The Smart Guards of Happy Jack
by Norberta772
Summary: What would have happened if Risa was taken to be unwound? Follow two of Happy Jack's finest guards as they take Risa to her impending doom. We hope our story is both satisfying (we believe this should have happened) and amusing. R&R please.


**The Smart Guards of Happy Jack**

**Author's Note: This was a stupid little story dreamed up out of boredom while at a teenage nerd-girl sleepover, which I collaborated on with the lovely Miss connorxrisa897. This is our revenge on the genius of Neal Shusterman because, while we love him and his writing, we were much saddened by the fact that Connor and Risa did not have epic babies together. L Read and review, please! **

**Disclaimer: Until very recently, we did not intend to publish this. We apologize for any stupidity and immaturity, and we do not advocate the actions of the characters described in this fanfic. We do not apologize for any epic/awesomeness found in this story…**

**Also, if we owned Unwind, would we be putting this on a fanfiction site? No. We do not own Connor, Risa, or Elvis Mullard, however, we did create the idiots who are Bob and Jason. If we did write Unwind, we would have (maybe) included this in the book and not feel the need to write dumb stories. In conclusion, we apologize for our author's note being almost as long as the actual story.**

**Happy Jack Guard's POV **

I check my list to see who's next to be unwound…_Risa Megan Ward. _

"Bob! We're going to Dorm H9 for…" I look down at my list. "Risa Ward."

"Great… another Ward. They always seem to end up here, don't they?"

I grab my tranq gun off the shelf and meet Bob outside.

"Ready, Jason?"

"Yeah, last one for the day."

"TGIF, man," he says as we begin the walk to the girls' dormitory and knock on the door. A small girl with auburn hair answers the door.

"What?" she demands, glaring at us.

"You Lisa?" I ask.

"Risa," Bob corrects.

"Oh… You Risa?" I ask.

"No." She slams the door in our faces. I sigh and open the door.

"We're looking for Risa Ward." I say. A girl with brown hair gasps slightly.

Bob walks over to the girl.

"You Risa?" Bob asks again. The girl takes off running. I'm so surprised, I don't try to catch her until she's twenty feet away from the door.

"CONNOR!" she screams. Risa (I guess she's Risa, 'cause who else would it be?) is running toward the boys' dorms. She reaches the dorm and starts banging on the door. We are almost there when she resumes her screeching.

"Connor! Connor, get your butt out here RIGHT NOW! CONNOR!" she screams.

A boy with light brown hair opens the door.

"What's going on-?" He stops when he sees me and Bob. I grab Risa's arm and Bob grabs the boy's (I guess his name is Connor).

Risa yells right in my ear (!), "Please let me 'say goodbye' to my boyfriend… in… uh… private." She looks at Connor with a mix of urgency and agitation.

"That your boyfriend?" Bob asks. She looks at Bob like he's crazy.

"Yeah," Connor says. "We'll be right out."

"Just give us, like, fifteen minutes," Risa says desperately, trying to drag Connor inside by the wrist.

"Remember, there's no back door! We got tranqs!" I say. A lot of these (especially Wards) try to escape.

"Good thing they got smart guards like us helpin' them out." I tell Bob.

"Oh, we know there's no back door," Connor says mysteriously, giving Risa a look. They quickly duck inside, and I make absolutely sure that there's no back door. You never know what these AWOLs could've been planning.

I hear Connor's hushed voice spitting orders, and then about twenty nine boys come out of the dorm.

"Volleyball," one of them shouts at us. I look at them suspiciously, and wonder what sort of scheme would require them all leaving. I hear Risa's voice inside.

"…wuss last time!"

"This time is more important…" Connor says. Risa says something else, "I won't, I promise!" Connor replies angrily.

"You better not," Risa says rather loudly.

Bob looks at me urgently, seeming to communicate that he understands something I don't. We walk over to the volleyball court and sit down on a bench, closely watching the dorm.

Roughly fifteen minutes later, as predicted, they emerge from inside. We walk back towards them, and we see that both Connor and Risa's hair is disheveled. I notice Connor's shirt is backwards, and their clothes are wrinkly (I wonder what they were doing in there…).

"Can we go now?" I ask.

"When we get inside I need to uh… discuss something with the nurse… just curious… are the nurses usually female?" Risa says.

"Yeah… why?" I wonder out loud.

"No reason…I uh… just miss my… sister, Didi."

"You're a ward of the state," Bob says, looking at the couple suspiciously.

"She's not really my sister; we're so close she's like family." Risa quickly says, looking at Connor.

"Well, I suppose you can see a female nurse if you really want to," I say considerately.

"Yeah, yeah, I think she should," Connor adds.

"Okay, let's go," Bob says.

"Thank you," Risa whispers to Connor, and then proceeds to grab him and begin to make out with him. After a while, this starts to get annoying, so we manage to drag them apart. Bob leads Risa down to the Chop Shop- I mean… what was it?... oh yeah, Harvest Clinic.

"I'll take her on from here." Our friend Elvis says.

He takes her into the clinic, and we walk away.

"Those were some craaaazy teenagers." Bob says.

"Uh huh." I agree.

**Epilogue- Jason again **

I'm dragging another helpless kid to their impending doom, when I see the peculiar sight. That Ward girl I hand delivered to the Ch- Harvest Clinic yesterday is walking around. When she sees me, she smiles smugly and rubs her stomach. I wonder if she's hungry…

**Random extra author's note: I (Norberta772) would like to acknowledge that the actual story is 772 words… the same as the number of characters in Harry Potter. I do not own Harry Potter either… unfortunately.**


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